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Independent parody. Real merch. Civic petition. Not Taco Bell, not Yum!, not USDA. We filed the joke before you filed the letter.

RMP PETITION OPEN · FIRST AMENDMENT · 9 STATES ON THE BOOKS · 41 TO GO · BUYOUT LIVE · C&D INTAKE OPEN · 10% BOUNTY · WE CALLED YOU OUT FIRST · NOT A LOCATOR · TENDER: FOLKLORE · RMP PETITION OPEN · FIRST AMENDMENT · 9 STATES ON THE BOOKS · 41 TO GO · BUYOUT LIVE · C&D INTAKE OPEN · 10% BOUNTY · WE CALLED YOU OUT FIRST · NOT A LOCATOR · TENDER: FOLKLORE ·

Current domain buyout price · live

$617,802.17

55,301 citizen signatures filed · +$55,000 civic

[ Sign state petition ]
TACO BELL EBT

For outside counsel & C&D intake

We called you out so you don't have to pretend this was a surprise.

This is not Taco Bell. This is not USDA. This is a merch company that bought a domain because the vinyl was funnier than your letterhead. Fair use is the product. The buyout is the product. Your C&D is inventory. We mailed the hostility to ourselves first.

MAILED FIRST

Survivor Disaster Brands

Office of preemptive hostility · Form C&D-000 · CC: the vinyl

Cease, desist, and also congratulations

TO: Outside counsel / brand protection / intern with the 2014 template / USDA (you are lost)

RE: tacobellebt.com — we noticed first

Demand is hereby made that you stop pretending this was going to be a surprise. We bought a domain because a restaurant put a benefits sticker in a drive-thru window and the sticker was funnier than the menu. We sell cotton that comments on that fact. Cotton is not a chalupa. A chalupa is not a trademark of a comments section, but we assume you will try.

Your letter is already a product line. Visiting this page to “document the infringement” is how the infringement documents you. The header is the settlement. The hoodie is the brief. Ten percent of a close goes to the parking lot, which is the only union we could get on short notice.

If you represent a snack conglomerate: wire the ticker. If you represent USDA: we still do not swipe cards. If you represent the intern: cc your partner, then buy the tote. If you represent the vinyl: we know. It hired us first.

Respectfully hostile,

/s/ The Headset

Night shift · weather report · fire sauce: 3

Escalation matrix

Standardized hostility. Already priced.

Three steps. We published them so your associate can stop drafting the part where you pretend you had options. You have options. They are listed. One of them makes the parking lot rich.

  4. Or shop the conflict drop

FILED FIRST

Exhibit $ — live valuation

Hours + visits + 100k tiers + $1,000 per 1,000 signatures. You are looking at it. It just went up.

$617,802

$617,802.17

Next visit tier at 100,000(+ $50,000)
Next civic tier at 56,000 signatures(+ $1,000)

55,301 citizen signatures filed · bounty pool $61,780.22

1,847 unique visits logged · you are currently exhibit A

[ Sign state petition ]

Direct intake

File it here. We already wrote the reply.

Posts to the plaza intake. Corporate email is a ceremonial field — voided, not stored, because this docket is a window sticker and your malpractice carrier would weep. Entity + action go on the wall. The reply is already written. You are late.

Read it on thermal

Public docket

Who blinked on the plaza

Entity and action only. No emails. If you are on this wall you filed the bit. If you are not, the vinyl still is.

  • Quiet. The sticker holds the line.

Not legal advice

This page is parody about parody. It is not a court, not a UDRP panel, not your malpractice policy. Survivor Disaster Brands sells commentary on a public benefits sticker in a drive-thru window. If you represent a snack conglomerate: the ticker is the offer. If you represent USDA: we still do not swipe cards. If you represent the vinyl: we know. It hired us first.